Your Reading Habits

Ah, the moment of truth. Remember the rare times in school when it was time for the class to read something? Well, we put up with it for a while, until you were chosen to read. The class collectively groaned, while the teacher put on his or her best malicious smile. You nervously parted your lips and began…

“She sayed dat…da…playwr-…plary-…playwro-..”

“Playwright“

“Oh…dat da plawritee Shak-somthin’ wuz’n ins-…inpsiration…and den (new line of text, unbeknownst to the reader) she sayed dat dat pl-…palyw-…”

Well, I suppose you could always read from your hand....

Ugh. You have little to no grasp of the English language. It should probably file for assault charges, or, in this case, murder in the first degree. You read slowly and fail to convey a meaningful message. You probably use chatspeak in your essays because it is much to hard for you to store a word greater than 6 letters in your head. You sound dumb, you are painful to listen to, and the worst part? No one is quick to stop you. So, do all of us a favor. Shut up and save us all some time.

Beyond the classroom it gets worse, however. Sometimes you read out loud when you really should read in your head. Reading out loud isn’t helping those around you concentrate, and you are more likely trying to sound important than actually trying to understand the words you are reading. Slap yourself if you just read that last part out loud. You stumble over letter combinations, mangle new words, forget words entirely, or substitute in your own words. Why? Because you never took the time to think, read, and learn. A reading should not be something to “get through”, it should be slightly enjoyable at the very least. In fact, if you’ve ever read in-a-monotonous-voice-and-didn’t-really-care-what-you-were-saying-blah-blah…while everyone else snores around you, you’ve failed. Liven it up! Vary your voice! Your message will probably sink in, and odds are that you won’t be an embarrassment to your classmates/coworkers/family/friends/book club members.

If you didn’t even take the time to learn how to read when you had the chance to, I’m doubtful that you’ve devoted yourself to any intelligent activity whatsoever.

Your Reading Habits Need To Die. (read: yore reedin’ habeets ned 2 dae)

Photo Credits: Here

Getting Anxious Over Spelling Someone’s Name

We all have them. People who you know, but aren’t quite friends with. You may talk occasionally, or at least know/recognize them in passing, but you never really connected on the friend level. Often, we’ll have a couple of these people with only a foot in the door to our lives. We may know them as neighbors, or as coworkers and classmates.

And then, something dreadful happens: You’re assigned a project with a group of these acquaintances and you’re the writer. No time to see how to spell their names from a list; they’re all standing over you, waiting for you to take action.

Trembling, you start with your own name. A pretty safe bet. Can’t get that wrong. Hopefully.

Maybe you’re able to pin down the names of less unknown friends. Almost there, just a few more.

And then, BAM. You’re stuck. You know their name, but you have no idea how the letters fit together.

Think. Is it Kristy? Maybe it’s got an “i”. Kristi? That doesn’t look right. Kristie? Ehh… Cristie? Cristy? Cristi? Maybe their name’s pseudo-religious. Christie? Accursed hard ‘k’ sounds. Perhaps it’s Keristee? Stop being silly. No one has a name like that. Maybe it’s short for Kristin…stop daydreaming!

…Come on, people. Just ask for that person’s name and its spelling. If they’re understanding, they won’t get too butthurt over your lack of naming knowledge.

“It’s Kreistee.”
     “Thanks.”
“And my last name’s Kurdantropihationtionapopolis. It’s spelled like it sounds.”
     “….How about we take turns writing?”

Let Getting Anxious Over Spelling Someone’s Name Die

Photo Credits: Here

Super Bowl Monday

Tonight is going to be an exciting night. Elite football playing, special top-tier commercials, and, for many, a large party to go to. Whether you’re going to your friend’s house, a sports bar, or even hosting a party yourself, there’s a lot of preparation to do. But it’ll be worth it in the end; a national event will be enjoyed, and it’ll be a talking point for the next week or so.

Yet a disturbing want has cropped up among these sports fans. Due to the level of intoxication and sleeplessness that people are going to endure to enjoy the Super Bowl, they are pushing for a national holiday. You know, to recover. From partying. That’s hard work, all right.

People in support of that idea: It’s not going to happen. Use some self control, darn it. Going to drink? Keep it under control. Going to stay up into the wee hours? Take some power naps throughout the day if you can, or try and maximize your sleep time.

The good news, holiday hopeful, is that a lot of people are going to watch the game. Heck, Super Bowl XL is the second most-watched television event in history. I’m pretty sure that everyone’s going to try and take it easy tomorrow.

You don’t need a whole day off to recuperate from a sporting event. Unless you’re a player, of course.

Let The Super Bowl Monday Idea Die

Photo Credits: Here