Pre-K Beauty Pageants

Yes, because we should instill the values of superficiality, competitiveness, and a sure-to-be diva attitude in the future in our own flesh and blood. Really, it’s not hard to see how much these pageants are less about the kids and more about the mothers (and, very occasionally, the fathers) who think that this will somehow make THEM look popular/successful/something.

And, if this whole concept isn’t enough to convince you that these kids will face much scarring from this, why not have a television show about it? Not only will the damage be done, WE’LL HAVE A RECORD OF IT! At least the show is somewhat mitigated by E!’s The Soup, but that’s unlikely to stop it…

Not to mention how televising such events probably leads to an increased use of make-up for kids who really shouldn’t need it.

Therapists, rejoice!

Let Pre-K Beauty Pageants Die

Photo Credits, despite how much the picture makes me weep: Here

Black Friday Shoppers

This post, while a tad late in coming, still addresses one of the most baffling things I find about our culture. We wake up at ungodly times of the morning to run out to popular chain stores in order to get the best deal. We snipe for parking spaces, line up hours before the store opens, and prepare to madly run in and grab the items we want before anyone else can rip them away.

Even still, there are a few more elements to Black Friday shopping than that. In order to get what we want while saving money, we push, shove, and take from others. Really, it’s like organized looting. While one doesn’t necessarily steal the item, there is a lot of harm that can befall people during this day.

Last year, this brutality was heavily publicized after the trampling death of a Wal-Mart employee. Due to this, Wal-Mart elected to stay open into Black Friday, and use alternate entrances for customers.

What are we, bulls? Do we really find this kind of madness acceptable? If you engage in this jostling for position, I hope you can sleep at night. Honestly, when you’re willing to minorly or majorly harm other human beings to save some money, it’s hard to look unselfish afterward.

Just…come on, people. Civility still exists, I hope.

Let Black Friday Shopper Behavior Die

Photo Credits: Here

Blaming Tryptophan

(The lack of a post yesterday was due to a DSL set-up. I can proudly say I am quite pleased with Verizon’s service. For now, that is.)

Well, for those of you in America, I’d like to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving today. For those of you outside the US, bear with me a bit.

Anyway, today, many of you probably enjoyed a meal rich in turkey, ham, corn, stuffing, potatoes, gravy, and other assorted foodstuffs. Perhaps you needed to adjust your pants to consume it all. Also, you may have quite possibly visited the bathroom at some point after the feast.

And then, after cleaning (or not!), you may have plopped down in a couch or chair, watched some football, and dozed off.

“Musta been all the tryptophan in that there turkey.” you gurgle upon waking. Well, newsflash - turkey’s amount of tryptophan is like those of other meats. So, singling out turkey is not precisely wise.

There may be a number of situations that led to your true tired status:

1. You woke up at 6 AM to get the turkey ready, baste the ham, mash the potatoes, look up a last-minute recipe, set off the smoke alarm, get out your best china, and garnish your foods to perfection. After eating the food you laboriously prepared all day, you then need to clean up the kitchen, wash the dishes, take a shower, and then – just maybe – relax a little. So, no, your exhaustion is not quite due to the turkey alone.
2. You slept for 12 hours, happy for the day off, and awoke to the smells of someone else making food for you. You then stumbled down to the kitchen, checked the situation, then bumbled over to the couch, to watch the parade or pre-game show. Then, when the food was finally finished, you engulfed most of the dinner, got seconds, and then indulged yourself in one or four “beverages”. Trying not to bounce into the walls too much, you manage to make it back to a piece of furniture, and nap.

Despite these scenarios, you really are tired due to carbohydrates. While the tryptophan does help the sleep process, the entire meal is usually a) much more than you’d regularly eat, and b) absolutely stuffed with carbs. So, don’t blame the turkey – just enjoy the meal and the ensuing drowsiness!

Let Blaming Tryptophan Die

Photo Credits: Here

Your Dreams

(Hi. I’m the guest writer. And I plan to tear you down week after week. OH YEAH!)

I’m not talking about your aspirations and your desires; no, you keep those to yourself anyway. What I cannot stand about you is the way you talk at me about what fantasy occurred on the inside of your eyelids last night.

Yes, I said talk AT me.

I don’t CARE that you were running in a jungle full of noodles that resembled your Grandma with your pants around your ankles when you were flying solo. I also don’t care what it means, what YOU think it means, or what you did after the dream. Try to see it from my point of view: I don’t care about you…r dreams. They don’t do any of the following:

• Enrich my life
• Make for interesting, exciting conversation
• Make sense

Besides, what do YOU think when I tell you about MY dreams? Oh yeah, you do what a normal person does: you stop listening halfway through and start daydreaming. And, what even worse is that you might want to tell me about those DAYdreams, which is still the same thing. I don’t want you to riff off my the dream I just told you, I don’t want you to think I care, and most importantly:

I. DON’T. WANT TO HEAR. ABOUT. YOUR DREAMS.

Wait, I was in your dream? Oooh, go on….

(Bonus points if you had a dream involving that noodle jungle)
(+1 Super Bonus if you’re a guy and added an extra “noodle” to the jungle. Heh heh heh hehhh…)

Photo Credits: Here

Blog Update: Guest Author and New Weekly Column

I’m very pleased to announce that we have a new guest author, Darkdashed. He will be doing a weekly column every Tuesday called “Your Things That Need To Die”, or YTTNTD. A bit wordy, yes, but I think it’ll do nicely, and subtract from my workload a teensy bit. I hope you’ll welcome this new author, and like his work just and much as you like mine.

(And yes, I know our usernames are similar. I regret this, but, there’s not a whole lot I can do about it.)