Those of you who have written me off as a selfish ungrateful tyrant simply by looking at the title of this post, I assure you, I am not these things.
Today, I was ringing the bell for a Salvation Army charity kettle thingy. It’s cold and windy and miserable, but, it’s worthwhile in some way or another that I am fortunate enough not to know about. (Bonus Die Needing Thing: Why is the kettle’s only opening a plus-sign shaped hole? It’s hard to fold a dollar bill in there with cold, quivering fingers.)
Anyway, I noticed there are a few behaviors that people engage in when they realize they may need to make a donation. For your enjoyment, here are the general archetypes, in full detail:
- The Door-Dodgers – In order to get the most potential donations, our group was stationed outside one the establishment’s main entrance. So, our first class of money-keepers creeps around the corner, hugs the wall, and sidles into the building’s automated doors while averting their gaze and acknowledging nothing about the handbell’s chimes or the pastel-red donation bin.
- Cell-Phonies – Head down, eyes fixed, these people use their phone as a convenient way to look engrossed and quickly stride into the store. It’s not helped when you can see they’re only looking at the main menu on their entire way in.
- The Smokers – As much as I enjoy the cold and such, these people increase the level of annoyance by taking one last puff, throwing their cancer stick on the asphalt, and heaving a large cloud of poisonous substances right in one’s vicinity. I probably hate this type the most, as the smell alone is enough to make me gag. Ulch.
Let Public Charity Offering Gatherings Die
But wait, there’s more! This is one of the topics that I’m on the fence about in some aspects, so, I’ve decided to introduce a new segment!
Things About This That Do Not Need To Die:
Well, I may as well talk about the well-meaning types of people that actually participate, and make our jobs more enjoyable.
- The Humorists – These people can seemingly create fun where things look bleakest – they may deploy a joke in passing, or even do some prop comedy (i.e. jokingly placing their young child “in” the kettle). It’s good for a laugh, and memorable afterward.
- The Parents – Handing some change or some paper bills to their child, they encourage them to toddle over and deposit the money. Not only are they instilling the importance of charity in their kids (at least, so I hope), they’re also being generous. Hooray!
- The Smarties – I’ve mentioned the cold a few times now. So, it was quite inspiring to see someone whom I didn’t observe enter or exit the store, but they drove up in their truck and made their donation. They stayed warm, and helped other people while doing it!
And, last but not least, these people helped other people who are less fortunate than they. In some situations, it’s even tax-exempt! So, a little or a lot, try to donate to charity. Not to make this a public service announcement, but, it’s important, and we should all know it.