As modernized humans, we’ve discovered that, in order to make life enjoyable, we need to do stuff. In order to do this stuff, we usually have to physically go from point A to point B, whether by car, plane, train, zeppelin, or simply by walking.
Often, we’ll find our way blocked by other human beings. They mean well, but they’re impeding our personal progress. As such, a variety of terms have risen for our need to get by these bodies. We can choose from “Pardon.”, “Excuse me.”, “Get out of my way!”, or even the tasteful “Move your butt.”
Some people decide not to choose any of the above, and make a failed attempt at vehicular onomatopoeia by uttering “Beep beep!” to those in their way. This is unacceptable.
The only way, in my opinion, that one can ever use car sounds to assert their presence is if they meet all of the following criteria:
- They must be contained in a chair, but not necessarily seated in it.
- They must be carrying at least one additional chair, suitable for other passengers.
- They must have at least one airbag. A gelatinous body makeup is also acceptable, for impact resistance.
- Most importantly, they must be running towards me at speeds above 35 miles per hour.
Then, AND ONLY THEN, you may frantically yell “BEEP BEEEP!” while you’re whizzing past me.
Otherwise, I’ll try to pop off your legs with a tire iron. It’ll take some time, but I’m sure I can get the job done.
Let “Beep Beep” Die
Photo Credits: I Can Has Cheezburger?