Ah, the moment of truth. Remember the rare times in school when it was time for the class to read something? Well, we put up with it for a while, until you were chosen to read. The class collectively groaned, while the teacher put on his or her best malicious smile. You nervously parted your lips and began…
“She sayed dat…da…playwr-…plary-…playwro-..”
“Oh…dat da plawritee Shak-somthin’ wuz’n ins-…inpsiration…and den (new line of text, unbeknownst to the reader) she sayed dat dat pl-…palyw-…”
Ugh. You have little to no grasp of the English language. It should probably file for assault charges, or, in this case, murder in the first degree. You read slowly and fail to convey a meaningful message. You probably use chatspeak in your essays because it is much to hard for you to store a word greater than 6 letters in your head. You sound dumb, you are painful to listen to, and the worst part? No one is quick to stop you. So, do all of us a favor. Shut up and save us all some time.
Beyond the classroom it gets worse, however. Sometimes you read out loud when you really should read in your head. Reading out loud isn’t helping those around you concentrate, and you are more likely trying to sound important than actually trying to understand the words you are reading. Slap yourself if you just read that last part out loud. You stumble over letter combinations, mangle new words, forget words entirely, or substitute in your own words. Why? Because you never took the time to think, read, and learn. A reading should not be something to “get through”, it should be slightly enjoyable at the very least. In fact, if you’ve ever read in-a-monotonous-voice-and-didn’t-really-care-what-you-were-saying-blah-blah…while everyone else snores around you, you’ve failed. Liven it up! Vary your voice! Your message will probably sink in, and odds are that you won’t be an embarrassment to your classmates/coworkers/family/friends/book club members.
If you didn’t even take the time to learn how to read when you had the chance to, I’m doubtful that you’ve devoted yourself to any intelligent activity whatsoever.
Your Reading Habits Need To Die. (read: yore reedin’ habeets ned 2 dae)
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