Movie Theater Madness

You’ve bought your ticket and provisions, and settle in to the “perfect spot” in the large room, nibbling your rations until the previews begin.

But then, you notice the theater slowly but surely fill up to capacity. Your seat buffer zone is soon eliminated, occupied by questionable patrons, from the obese to the shady-looking.

Previews over, the R-rated movie begins. Almost simultaneously, a baby starts shrieking in the front row. The parents, desperate just to do one thing away from home, do everything they can to quiet the child, aside from removing them from the theater.

No time to concentrate on that, though. Multiple projectiles are impacting the left side of your cranium. The light is dim, but you can just barely make out someone hurling these items from the far side of the seating area.

Meanwhile, in the back of the theater, a couple animatedly discusses a recent trip to the urologist. the right, a cell phone activates, playing a mutilated ringtone to the tune of “Bad Romance”. Instead of silencing the device, the owner waits a minute to listen to the song, then answers the call and starts talking into the phone loudly, due to “poor reception”.

Elsewhere in the theater, various viewers provide their own commentary to the events of the movie, distorted as they already are due to the surrounding action.

And you?

You, my friend, will end up buying the DVD.

Let Movie Theater Madness Die

(Yes, I’m aware there are other methods to receive such content without purchasing a DVD. That doesn’t mean I want to hear about them.)

Photo Credits: Here


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