The Urinal and The Stall are two very inter-connected lavatory devices. In a public setting, they become all the more menacing to those of us with weak bladders and, simultaneously, large amounts of Bathroom Fear. How so? Well, as the situation will change based on gender, I’ve decided to split up the article.
You approach the row of egg-shaped receptacles, glancing nervously around the room. After positioning yourself with extreme amount of personal space in mind, you go through the routine in your head one last time. The show’s about to start, and everything seems okay. Your stand-up routine begins with your opener, and the nerves melt away. You’re gonna make it through, and the audience is already producing splashes of applause.
Suddenly, you’ve got a heckler on your hands. It feels like they’re breathing down your neck! Your “throat” closes up, but you dare not move, lest your “fears” spill out over the side of the stage. You silently stand at attention, waiting for it to be over. When the crowd calms down, you burst through the rest of your act, praying all the while to finish before the crowd becomes unruly again. You sheepishly exit the stage, embarrassed at your performance, but relieved that it is over.
A closed area with four not-quite-walls should be private enough to do business in, right? As such, you prepare the seat with a thin, one-ply covering of Econo-Paper upon which to rest your buttocks. Sighing, you start up the Tootsie Roll factory. The machinery could use some tuning, as gears gurgle past each other in their production.
Oh no! It appears that a health inspector has decided to visit the factory today! While they’re busying themselves at the sink, you’re trying not to let anything slip. Production is halted, as you can’t bear the thought of what this stranger may think of your activities. Your porcelain cruise can only continue if the inspector leaves, or decides to visit another cubicle.
Fortunately, the inspector leaves. You finally drop the kids off at the pool, and put your “signature” on the final paperwork. Disaster averted.
Everybody Poops. And, well, pees. Armed with this knowledge, you’d think some of us would have an easier time expelling our waste. Yet the “crowded” feeling that sometimes occurs in public bathrooms makes a few people have one thought:
Let Public Bathroom Stage Fright Die