In preparation for my long day of sitting around and gorging myself on Memorial Day, I’ve decided to take the time to criticize symbols of The Land Of Opportunity. I know, what a great way to honor my nation, right? Anyway, here are some symbols of America that I just don’t understand:
- Hot Dogs – These inexpensive hand-held foods are commonly made with bits and pieces of what I’ll graciously call “leftover” meat. Sure, there are some exceptions, but isn’t is a little worrying to consider how the meat gets into that tube shape in the first place?
- Apple Pie – Ah, the apple, bane of doctors the world over. So, what’s more natural than cutting away the icky bits, slicing the remaining fruit, slathering a syrup over the slices, and enveloping the entire thing in a sweet, sugary dough?
- Baseball – Indeed, I, too, am entranced by a sport that’s 30% athletics and 70% standing around and waiting. The crowd is even involved in the festivities: The 7th inning allows fans to take a break to stretch. Y’know, a break from sitting.
- Fireworks – Nothing says “USA” like mixing chemicals, burning them to produce colors, and then launching them into the air to produce a fiery explosion. Lather, rinse, repeat until out of chemicals. Yep, it’s entertainment in the form of detonations.
So, what have we learned? Precisely; I am a hyper-sensitive analytical freak. Nevertheless, the symbols I’ve listed and many other represent this country, and there’s no easy way of changing that. In order to take pride in these symbols, we need to do only one thing:
Let The Negative Connotations Behind Certain American Symbols Die
Photo Credits: Here