I’m sure this is just your way of telling me that you’re really enjoying your food, but the slurping and slobbering really isn’t doing anything for my appetite. I’m also fed up with that cutesy “seefood” joke. Suck it up, it’s just not original. Finally, I can’t digest your horrible understanding of manners, and can’t fathom how you made it through any romantic culinary encounters. While you may find that doing this results in a more savory experience, those around you are wishing that you’d hurry up and wolf it down.
I know it’s a bitter pill to swallow, but you need to cram this information into your head:
Chew with your mouth closed.
Let Chewing With Your Mouth Open Die
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