You, Crazy Nut Guy

On a related note, first impressions and titles can often be misleading things.

A crazy nut guy, as the name implies (well, as one of the things the name implies, anyway), is someone who litters our fine ballparks with peanut shells.  You crazy nut guys are sometimes found in abundance, although not often. More likely, you single-handedly tear into a bag of peanuts (and possibly Cracker Jacks; I don’t care if you ever get back) and begin to devour the legumes, mindlessly tossing the refuse onto the floor. I’ve yet to attend a game where I haven’t seen you at least once.

The biggest problem I have with this is the assumption behind the  action. It is thought that your pile of waste will be whisked magically away by some giddy stadium worker. I take issue to the fact that you want others to clean up after you when you are perfectly capable of doing it yourself. You don’t need to turn the floor into Shell Hell, just find a spot where you can place the shells or eat over the trash can. Admittedly, that advice most applies to a crazy nut guy eating in the stadium, not in his seat. And this leads me to the story of my first sighting of a crazy nut guy.

I gazed to the left and saw him. He sat demurely in his plastic chair, crumbs speckled throughout his beard and shirt. The bags alone could’ve occupied the empty chair beside him, but the shell pile was a thing of massive proportions. Such a man was not content in letting the waste GO to waste, however; he placed his heels upon the top of the pile, and I heard the pile settle as his feet nestled into a self-created peanut graveyard. I was not fully aware of the implications of his actions until I needed to leave the row. My exit was highlighted by a slight trip over the then-abandoned nut pile, and a seedling of hatred for the litter. Little did I know that the peanut pile and I would see each other from then on.

Crazy nut guys (ladies are very good at it too, no discrimination from me on this one) are a staple of the ballpark. Fortunately for us, we’ve invented staple removers. You need to show some self control, crazy nut guy. What if you had to be responsible for your actions some of the time? How would that feel?

You drive me nuts.

You, Crazy Nut Guy, Need To Die.

Photo Credits: Here


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