Things That Need To Diet: Plan One

Welcome to a new segment, fellow readers! And, like any good segment that I write, these sorts of posts will occur as such:

  • sporadically
  • not specific to a certain day
  • prone to absences of eight months or more

With that out of the way, time for the content. The goal of the Things That Need To Diet is to disgust you to the point where you fear taking in those bonus calories. Also, hopefully it will teach you to look at your food before shoveling it in your mandible.

I love audience participation, which explains the subliminal messaging I’ve implemented saying “laugh or die” when a page is viewed. Anyway, I’ll start you off with a picture of the object du jour.

Any ideas yet? Okay, here’s some background information. And I’m not yapping about the scratched magenta surface the photo was taken on, either.

The object was found in a Capri Sun box. The package was manufactured in China. The box was damaged. The flavor of Capri Sun was Apple Splash.

I think you’ve got a pretty good idea what it is. This is the first entry in this segment, so it’s gotta start off pretty easy, anyway.

So, please step forward, everyone who guessed rotted mouse organ!

That’s right, a lucky Floridian woman had the privilege to discover her somewhat mangled sugary delights were chillin’ right next to a piece of a former rodent. Oddly, this was the only piece in the box, which makes me wonder where the rest of the decaying corpse is. Perhaps the Zombie Ages will soon be upon us.

Next time you grab some buffeted beverages, make sure to thoroughly inspect that what you’re holding is indeed a drink carton. Otherwise, you may be stuck in a mouse trap.

Let This Regiment Help You

Photo Credits: Here


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