Look, Justin, you seem like a sweet enough girl, but let’s face it: you are over-extending whatever perceived talent you have. You singing has not set the world ablaze or revolutionized the genre, it’s just a passing fad. Your demise into obscurity will be a welcome one, but I feel the need to reprimand you for clinging to the public eye. Firstly, anyone grasping someone’s eye is painful. Don’t try it at home. Secondly, as evidenced by a promotional CSI video, you cannot act. Thirdly, as evidenced by footage of live concerts, you cannot sing (and it’ll get worse as your voice changes. Or, even worse, your voice will stay the same and you’ll pretend it’s some kind of sign to keep on singing). Fourthly and finally, you are good at prop comedy, as evidenced by the bottle you took to the head. Don’t be too pleased with this though; look at how Carrot Top turned out.
Justin, emotional depth is not what you sing about. Only the vapid fans blinded by your fame and hideous hairstyle believe that. Stop clogging the radio waves.
You, Justin Bieber, Need To Die and/or Get a Haircut.
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