Category Archives: Personal

Your Hyping of Your Hype


I know that the Big Game or Small Game or Medium-Sized Game or Inconsequential Game or What Game? or whatever you’d like to refer to it as has already come and gone, but I would like to now voice a niggling complaint that I had prior to it.

It is not this: I derive enjoyment from Super Bowl commercials.

It is this: I do not derive enjoyment from what are essentially previews of these Super Bowl commercials.

A thirty-second spot of a product offering DOES NOT WARRANT a teaser! Not only is this (extra) commercial widely proliferated, it tells nothing of the product! It is advertising… an advertisement.

And just when I’d thought we’d scraped the bottom, it turns out there’s another barrel entirely.


Your Hyping of Your Hype Needs To Die

Photo Credits: Here

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Sensing Your Cell Phone When It Hasn’t Gone Off


Over my self-indulgent hibernation, I’ve been spending a lot of time with a smartphone that I happened to receive over Christmas. It’s a neat little device, and I’m constantly overwhelmed by all the intricacies of it and the Android OS. It’s entertaining, but it’s gotten me thinking about cell phones in general. 

I haven’t had mine long enough to fully conceptualize what I’m going to talk about (which really should say something about how fantastic a writer I am. No, no, please, your thanks are definitely not necessary). Heck, it still feels like an electric shock probes its way into my thigh whenever I get a text message. Thanks, vibrate mode.

However, for the cellularly-adept, the opposite problem seems to occur. “What’s that? Surely that was my phone; after all, people NEED me! I am their lifeblood! They want MY van’s candy! So let my open up this gadget real quick…” and BAM, nothing. Hopes are dashed and disappointment creeps in. Chalking it up as phantom noise, or a mistake in the phone, you go back to your regular duties.

If it only happened once, well, that would be fine. Actually, this process can repeat itself many times throughout the average day, causing a compounding effect with the hopes and disappointment. Especially when you’re really hoping to hear from someone. It’s frustrating, because the fault lies entirely with the device’s owner. The emotional-warhead side of it can aggravate, too. Appearing, at times, like you should spill acid in your ears in order to cleanse this mistaken sensory stimulation.

I can’t wait until I reach this stage. Trust me.

Everyone needs to feel wanted. Unfortunately, everyone wants to feel needed, too.

Let Sensing Your Cell Phone When It Hasn’t Gone Off Die

Photo Credits: Here

Black vs. Deep Navy Blue


In optimum lighting, it’s somewhat easy to tell apart black and navy blue, especially when the two colors are presented next to each other.

So, for reasons the world only knows, one most often must determine the color of such vestments in the early morning when one’s running late, in the dark, and is searching through that week’s “lightly used” pile of clothes that were supposed to be laundered days before. Eye-strain and mental worry overcome the subject, forcing them into quickly determining if socks, shoes, sirt, jacket, pants, belt, and other accessories match before heading out the door.

As the subject enters the workplace, he is ribbed, playfully smacked, jostled, and reprimanded. That’s right – he is all black and blue.

Let Black vs. Deep Navy Blue Die

Photo Credits: Here

Your Weird Cleaning Habits


Because I’m fairly certain that the inside of every individual vacuum-sealed bag doesn’t need dusted.


Your Weird Cleaning Habits Need To Die

Photo Credits: Here

Shapely Sleds


Today I was pleased to find that a set of sleds had been gifted to me. They had an immaculate package, and their length was surprising. They seemed a bit flimsy at first, but I suspected that, through use, they’d firm up in no time. It was hard to take my eyes off them, as I couldn’t stop imagining what sorts of things I could plow through or slip under.

Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. You too should get to experience the momentary joy that these colorful members had to offer. I’ll wet your whistle with the following:

Temptation!

Appeal!

Sounds awesome, right? Like the coolest thing ever, right? My mouth was watering with anticipation at this point, contemplating the majesty of what I was about to behold. I couldn’t wait to set my butt down on one of these, feeling the smooth caress of the plastic as it found a groove through the snow-filled hills and valleys.

Then I took a look at the actual sled.

I'd like to retract my statement.

They all turn this color when they're outside long enough.

Oh… oh, oh dear. As I pondered just how apt the “easily carried and stored” part of the marketing was and wondered what opportune words might rhyme with “cleanness”, a thought rose up to meet me. I pondered just how important shapes are in manufacturing, and realized that, despite the best intentions, sometimes you’ve just got to take a step back and think about precisely what you’ve created.

I don’t plan to ever use these sleds. Probably. My mind’s too infantile to allow me, but with company around, it may decide “Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if?”. I’ll keep you updated if these are ever used in a “group outing”, as it were.

Then again, maybe the construction just makes the sled aerodynamic….as long as the rider doesn’t Freudian slip off of it.

Let Shapely Sleds Die

Photo Credits: Taken by the author, unfortunately.

Your Obsession With Gaming


Today, something of a stirring event occurred.

Some might say a cataclysmic event, even.

I want you to remember that it is NOT important what level you achieve, what dailies you need to do, or what your rank is. The most important part of the game is you, the player. Take care of your physical self. Have fun in moderation. The permeation of all-the-time gratification in our society should deeply disturb us all. You need to consider things around you, not just a game.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve been away from Bejeweled 3 for about 10 minutes now AND I’M GOING STARK RAVING INSANE!

Your Obsession With Gaming Needs To Die.

Photo Credits: Here

Poker Chip Clicking


https://i2.wp.com/www.alert-bridgeshop.nl/images/PokerChips.gifStop. Just stop. I just wanna watch people play cards with way-too-cheery commentators talking about the “action” while I try to sleep on my couch with the sickness of insomnia at 2 in the morning. What I do not want is all that pestering noise that assails my eardrums when you take those small betting discs and smash them together in every way imaginable. That infernal clicking noise was fine, almost novel when you’re actually making an action, but continuing through the down-time? Even when you’re not in the current hand? That verges on the point of mental disorder if you need to keep that up.

I’d recommend a stress ball or something. That’s a lot quieter. Perhaps you could just use your nose for all chip-related actions?

A lot less people would go ‘all-in’ then.

Let Poker Chip Clicking Die

Photo Credits: Here