Your Glibness, Used To Interrupt Someone


All I’m trying to get across is-yeah I got it.

No, you don’t, if you did you would be listening to the point I’m trying to mak-uh-huh.

Just listen a min-yeah.

DON’T TALK OV-Whatever, chillax.

ST-yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah.

Your Glibness, Used To Interrupt Someone, Needs To-right.

Photo Credits: Her-yessir.

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Black vs. Deep Navy Blue


In optimum lighting, it’s somewhat easy to tell apart black and navy blue, especially when the two colors are presented next to each other.

So, for reasons the world only knows, one most often must determine the color of such vestments in the early morning when one’s running late, in the dark, and is searching through that week’s “lightly used” pile of clothes that were supposed to be laundered days before. Eye-strain and mental worry overcome the subject, forcing them into quickly determining if socks, shoes, sirt, jacket, pants, belt, and other accessories match before heading out the door.

As the subject enters the workplace, he is ribbed, playfully smacked, jostled, and reprimanded. That’s right – he is all black and blue.

Let Black vs. Deep Navy Blue Die

Photo Credits: Here

Your Weird Cleaning Habits


Because I’m fairly certain that the inside of every individual vacuum-sealed bag doesn’t need dusted.


Your Weird Cleaning Habits Need To Die

Photo Credits: Here

Shapely Sleds


Today I was pleased to find that a set of sleds had been gifted to me. They had an immaculate package, and their length was surprising. They seemed a bit flimsy at first, but I suspected that, through use, they’d firm up in no time. It was hard to take my eyes off them, as I couldn’t stop imagining what sorts of things I could plow through or slip under.

Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. You too should get to experience the momentary joy that these colorful members had to offer. I’ll wet your whistle with the following:

Temptation!

Appeal!

Sounds awesome, right? Like the coolest thing ever, right? My mouth was watering with anticipation at this point, contemplating the majesty of what I was about to behold. I couldn’t wait to set my butt down on one of these, feeling the smooth caress of the plastic as it found a groove through the snow-filled hills and valleys.

Then I took a look at the actual sled.

I'd like to retract my statement.

They all turn this color when they're outside long enough.

Oh… oh, oh dear. As I pondered just how apt the “easily carried and stored” part of the marketing was and wondered what opportune words might rhyme with “cleanness”, a thought rose up to meet me. I pondered just how important shapes are in manufacturing, and realized that, despite the best intentions, sometimes you’ve just got to take a step back and think about precisely what you’ve created.

I don’t plan to ever use these sleds. Probably. My mind’s too infantile to allow me, but with company around, it may decide “Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if?”. I’ll keep you updated if these are ever used in a “group outing”, as it were.

Then again, maybe the construction just makes the sled aerodynamic….as long as the rider doesn’t Freudian slip off of it.

Let Shapely Sleds Die

Photo Credits: Taken by the author, unfortunately.

Your Obsession With Gaming


Today, something of a stirring event occurred.

Some might say a cataclysmic event, even.

I want you to remember that it is NOT important what level you achieve, what dailies you need to do, or what your rank is. The most important part of the game is you, the player. Take care of your physical self. Have fun in moderation. The permeation of all-the-time gratification in our society should deeply disturb us all. You need to consider things around you, not just a game.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve been away from Bejeweled 3 for about 10 minutes now AND I’M GOING STARK RAVING INSANE!

Your Obsession With Gaming Needs To Die.

Photo Credits: Here

Contused Grocery Carts


Ah, the grocery store, a place of Wonder™. It seems like it has All™ you need in a nice, row-by-row design. Large enough to Shout™ in, and yet still small enough to feel friendly.

Anyway, we humans figured out that, hey, we can’t really carry a lot at a time without some fierce ingenuity or tool-based assistance. Opting for the latter, the grocery cart was born! Well, the wheel and other things sorta came before that, but, stay with me here. The grocery cart allows people to easily and effectively put stuff in it and push it around. Magic!

Well, that’s how it should work, anyway. But no, carts never seem to get moved out of the rotation. Nor are there any really identifiable “lightly used” ones that the average person could quickly identify. Nope, most of the time one is stuck with the luck of the draw. Problem is bad luck seems to happen more often than good. Maybe your cart squeaks every time you turn. Maybe the plastic piece on the handle is broken and is jabbing you in the hands. Worst of all is when one or more wheels are somehow too tight to move around and skid perpendicular to the direction you’re currently heading.

Let’s give it up for convenience! Instead of telling someone about the issue (which probably wouldn’t get too far anyway, but hey, worth a shot), or even try out the cart before loading it with stuff and then choosing a better one, most of us plow through with the contraption, doing our best to keep the chrome and plastic beast in our reins.

At least it didn’t spontaneously combust. Then those poor freezer items would be ruined!

Let Contused Grocery Carts Die

Photo Credits: Here

That Person Who Laughs Too Long At Everything


Yes, yes, the joke was funny. Alright. Calm down now. It’s too soon to have a laugh echo about it, everyone else moved on a few minutes ago. That weedy/bellowing/sinusy/throaty/garbled noise you’re making is just too much. People are staring. How about you take a breather, way over there, and let the conversation continue.

Mmkay?

Let That Person Who Laughs Too Long At Everything Die

Photo Credits: Here