That’s right! These oddly patterned, chewing-medium holders are sure to compliment hipsters of all sizes! They’ll match perfectly with your other essentials, like hairbrush covers, scarf tassles, and berets.
Thanks, Orbit gum. No, no, really.
Let Stylish Gum Packages Die
Photo Credits: Here
Curled at the edges due to age, the sign displaying that singular price stares back at me when I look at the forlorn gumball machine outside of Spencer’s Gifts.
What a novel idea – surely someone would love to own their very own gumball machine! Also, it’s too heavy to steal un-noticed, so it’s PERFECT to draw people inside the store! Coupled with the popularity of gum, how could this offer fall through?
That was probably the argument the store proprietor thought of when he originally bought the four-foot device with a see-through, spiral stand. Even the best-laid plans can go awry, and while I can’t be sure that the gumball machine didn’t draw people in to the store, I know that no one has, with gumball machine in tow, come out of it. And so, for eight years has that red-trimmed automated vendor sat there, all but abandoned by thoughts of practicality.
Yes, years. Considering how the price of the machine has never been revised, nor has the sign ever been jostled from its original position inside the glass of the machine, I am begrudgingly led by my imagination to one harrowing conclusion:
The gum in that machine is eight years old.
I’m not very sure about the hardiness of gum, but something inside me retches at the idea of eating food that’s approaching a decade-old existence. This isn’t full of fine wine or fancy cheese, here, either – it’s chemicals and flavorings in hardened, ball form. Maybe knowing that they’d still be perfectly fine is an even more disturbing thought…
Thinking about it in terms of the gum’s age certainly must have off-put any prospective buyer many a year ago. Or perhaps it was the high price tag. Or the heft of the machine. Or thinking about the true applications of a personal gumball machine.
Maybe it’s time to fill that gumball machine with wine and cheese.
Let The Gumball Machine For Sale In My Local Mall Die
Photo Credits: Here
When purchasing a product, one spends a lot more than money. In some instances, they spend their time and potentially some electricity researching the product, making sure it’s right for them. Next, they have to get the product. You can order online, in which case you’re spending another chunk of electricity, as well as waiting for the product to get to you. If you go and physically purchase the item, you’re spending not only money, but also travel time, and some form of energy, be it in the form of gas, solar power, electricity, or good ol’ human leg power.
Why, then, do advertising companies insist on claiming that you’ll ONLY spend $20.99 on a hat? Or Only $400! for the bacon-plated, completely edible, “fat free” chocolate and fudge fountain? Any price that gets listed is going to be relative to whoever sees that price. Sure, 25 dollars may not sound like much to most of you reading this, but it certainly does to the guy that only has 5.
So, yeah, you’re spending more than money. More importantly, you’re spending an amount of money that has a definite value – it’s not trivial just because an advertisement says so.
Also, if any of you readers are interested, I have a boat to sell you for only six million yen. That’s “not much”. “Trust” me. I “promise”.
Let The “Only” Cost Die
Photo Credits: Here
I’ve been wanting to write about this Internet Service Provider’s practices for a looooong time. I’ve put up with this company for 4 years, and I must say, all of the following is true. Despite how much I’d like to vilify this company with false facts, I won’t do it. Yet, I still think what I’ll list will surprise and infuriate you.
Anyway, I’ve recently left HughesNet Satellite Internet for Verizon DSL. The following is a list of troubles I’ve had with HughesNet, in no particular order:
- Bandwidth Cap – When I first signed up for HughesNet, they were known as DirecWay, a company that, at that time, had some affiliation with DirecTV. Anyway, DirecWay allowed you to get up to so many MB of data (I believe my plan was at 175MB), and then you’d get drastically reduced service for 1-4 hours while the data bucket “refilled”. Annoying yes, but it got worse: When DirecWay was bought by Hughes, HughesNet increased all plans download caps by about 25MB. That sounds like a good thing. But, upon closer examination, they changed a few rules: If you downloaded beyond your cap, your service would be again cut drastically for 24 hours. Each hour of usage would also need to wait a full day before “clearing.” For example, If you downloaded 150MB in one hour, you’d need to spend wisely your remaining 50MB over the next 23 hours, or lose your service for a day. This part annoyed me most about the whole experience.
- Latency – Simply put, latency affects real time transactions. It results in one having a high ping, which makes online multiplayer gaming and real-time stock trading nearly impossible to do efficiently.
- Cost – After I’d “upgraded” my plan so I could get 400MB per 24 hours, I realized that I’d have to pay $70 a month for the service. I figured this was the best way to escape from the bandwidth problem, as I had no other alternative in my area. Now, I pay the same for my phone AND internet service, with none of the problems on this list thus far.
- Customer Service – This is the straw that broke the camel’s back, paralyzed him from the neck down, and caused him to die in a puddle of his own waste. This summer, lightning struck my satellite dish, and caused a waterproofing seal to crack, allowing water to enter the lens of the receiver. Tech support said it’d be fixed within 5 days. So, 22 days later, the part was finally correctly installed. The problem? “We’ve been using your model of dish for spare parts for the better models.” Thus the delay. So, we practically blew a whole month of service waiting on a part that we were lucky to find. This made me realize that, were I to have future problems, it’d be unlikely that they’d be fixed quickly.
There are more factors I could list here, but I think they’d bore you a bit, so I’ll exclude them from this post. If you’d really like to know more, feel free to contact me through the options on the “About” page.
Anyway, if you have a choice, do not get HughesNet. In fact, I’d stay away from most satellite ISPs if you can. The bad really outweighs the good.
I’m pleased to say that yesterday, I terminated my service with them, and am quite happy with Verizon and have nothing bad to say about them.
Well. For now, that is.
Let HughesNet Die
Photo Credits: Here
This post, while a tad late in coming, still addresses one of the most baffling things I find about our culture. We wake up at ungodly times of the morning to run out to popular chain stores in order to get the best deal. We snipe for parking spaces, line up hours before the store opens, and prepare to madly run in and grab the items we want before anyone else can rip them away.
Even still, there are a few more elements to Black Friday shopping than that. In order to get what we want while saving money, we push, shove, and take from others. Really, it’s like organized looting. While one doesn’t necessarily steal the item, there is a lot of harm that can befall people during this day.
Last year, this brutality was heavily publicized after the trampling death of a Wal-Mart employee. Due to this, Wal-Mart elected to stay open into Black Friday, and use alternate entrances for customers.
What are we, bulls? Do we really find this kind of madness acceptable? If you engage in this jostling for position, I hope you can sleep at night. Honestly, when you’re willing to minorly or majorly harm other human beings to save some money, it’s hard to look unselfish afterward.
Just…come on, people. Civility still exists, I hope.
Let Black Friday Shopper Behavior Die
Photo Credits: Here