The Compendium


Welcome to The Compendium! This will be the page that contains every entry to date, in descending order of newness. I’ll try to keep it updated. If something’s broken, PLEASE tell me. Ctrl+F is your friend!

January 2011
Sensing Your Cell Phone When It Hasn’t Gone Off [Freshly Pressed 1/13/11]
December 2010
Your Glibness, Used To Interrupt Someone
Black vs. Deep Navy Blue
Your Weird Cleaning Habits
Shapely Sleds
Your Obsession With Gaming
Contused Grocery Carts
That Person Who Laughs Too Long At Everything
Title Reliance
November 2010
Your Reliance on and Overuse of a Single Word
Poker Chip Clicking
Ice-ning and Wudder
Your Ruthlessness For a Discount
Struggling To Hear What Someone Has Said
Wearing Outlandish Clothes In Public Places
Your Ability to Sleep through the Entire Day
Fustrating
Your Ravings About an “Amazing” New Shooter
Chasing Around A Stubborn Plastic Lid
Annoying Advertisement Addendum Three
Twist-Off Lids That Cause Injury
Your Unwillingness to See an Issue from Another Side

October 2010
Glittery Vampires
Washed Pocket Tissues
“Can I Ask A Question?”
Not Turning On Red When There’s Nothing Stopping You
Your Repetitions Of A Painfully Bad Joke
Devout Geocentrists
Insecure, Uncreative Passwords
Your Exclamations of “I Knew Them Before…”
Perfume Commercials
Noone
Overusing Doorbells
Your Insignificant ‘Versaries
Blog Update: Happy Birthday!
Rewind
The Gumball Machine For Sale In My Local Mall
You, Entertainment TV Host
“Priceless” Store Items
Driving Gloves
September 2010
Turning Off The Car When The Wipers Are In Mid-Wipe
Your “Yes-or-No” Answer to my Non-“Yes-or-No” Question
Strange Drug Side Effects
My Laziness
Thinking Elvis Is Still Alive
Your Flights From Reality
Being Able To See Yourself While Using The Bathroom
Kool-Aid Nostrils
Noisy Eaters
You, Justin Bieber
Jokes That Provoke Malice Instead Of Laughter
Lightswitches With Forgotten Purposes
Potential Uncleanliness Of Signs With Braille Bumps
Fearing White Clothing After Labor Day
Your Sloppy Attempts To Complete Clearly Unfinished Work on a Deadline
Know vs. Now vs. No vs. Knew vs. New
Waking Up Before Your Alarm Goes Off, But After It’s Still Practical To Fall Back Asleep
Carlashes
Erasers That Don’t


August 2010
You, Question Talker
Its vs. It’s
The “Only” Cost
Accidentally Determining Milk’s Sourness By Taste
Your Hardly Help
The Snazzy Napper
Needing To Pee In The Middle Of A Movie
Stepping On The Invisible Stair
You, Situation Analyst
Accidentally Touching Used Gum
Pointless Statues
Things That Need To Diet: Plan One
Being Involved With The Shakeweight In Any Way Whatsoever
You, Armrest Hog(s)
Doing The Exact Same Thing Day After Day
Waking Up With A Headache That Began The Night Before
The Polkadodge
(no subject)
Unnecessary Vagueness
Your Likeliness To Butt In
Being So Hungry Yet Feeling So Full
When Shampoo Attacks

July 2010
Poorly Explaining That Someone Has Something On Their Face
Annoying Advertisement Addendum Number Two
Your Inability To Follow A Schedule
Using Quotation Marks Instead Of Italics For Emphasis
Being The First One Kicked Off A Reality Show
Molten Pizza Cheese Beards
Axing Questions
Getting Pantsed
Getting A Tattoo With Your Boy/Girlfriend’s Name On It
You, Amusement Park Fat Guy
Being Surprised At The Hills Finale
Bicycle Racing Types
Teen Biting
Gas Station Squeegees
Overusing Ellipsis Marks
Your Desire To Be Correct
Baby Leashes
Being So Full That It Hurts To Look At Food
Hotel Misadventures
You, Cell Phone Slave
Putting The Batteries In Backward
The Guy Who’s Covered In Red Stuff At The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Competition
The Small Triangle That Windshield Wipers Miss
Running Out Of Bun Before Running Out Of Sandwich



June 2010
Being 12 Hours Off
You, Crazy Nut Guy
Buffet Style Restaurants
“Variety” Radio Stations
Cat-like Typing
Pencil Chewers
Your Inability to Take Full Responsibility or to Answer “Yes or No” Questions
Doggie Butt Covers
Insisting That Items Be Called By Their Brandless Names
Abandoned Blogs
Chewing With Your Mouth Open
Absurdly Long Drink Orders
Poor Handshakes
Your Perceived Rivalry
Feeling Pain From A Wound Only After Looking At It
Vuvuzelas
Inaccurate Weather Forecasts
Thinking That Discussing Classical Music Makes You Smarter
HAGS
Your Business Idea
Seeing The Same Commercial Twice In A Row
Multiple Interpretations Of WordPress.com’s Thumbs Rating System
2010 National Spelling Bee Protesters
Throwing A Kitten Against A Wall When It Inadvertently Unplugs A Cable
Punching Through Paper With A Writing Utensil
You, Laugh Track


May 2010

Burnt Out Letters In Light Up Signs
Do Certain American Symbols Need To Die?
Skittles Fizzl’d Fruits
The Pebble In Your Shoe
Public Bathroom Stage Fright {This is my favorite post to date}
Your Desire For Loud Noises Injected Into Your Ears (and mine)
Long, Awkward Silences
Messing Around With An Electric Fence
Treating A Car Like A Trash Can
Falling Out Of Bed
Waking Up After Dreaming About The Day You’re About To Have
Being Able To Hear The Dentist’s Drill In The Waiting Room
Legit
Your Swagger
Irregardless
Supermarket Littering
Poor Typing Skills
Perfume Snipers [This post got my blog suspended for a day due to an image. Yay!]
Hoops And Yoyo
You,Tube Comments
Needing To “Like” Things On Facebook In Order To See Them
Pizza Burn
My Inability To Stick With One Tense
The .1% Of Germs That Can’t Be Killed
Being Told “Bless You” After You’ve Done Something Other Than Sneeze
Blog Update: Domain
Your Shyness
Wet Bathroom Floors
Ho-made
Poorly Crafted Tattoos


April 2010

Last Clap Wars
Potato Chip Air
10 Ways To Improve Your Health, Self-Esteem, Teeth, Wealth, and Life In 1 Easy Step
You, Ke$ha
Double Standards
Setting The Time On All The Clocks After The Power Comes Back On
Running Out Of Toilet Paper
Man Thongs
Using The Wrong Key On A Lock
Get Fuzzy
Your Display of Injuries
Floppy Disk As Save Icon
B/c
Snifflers
Using Words Without Knowing What They Actually Mean
Not Finishing Your Taxes
Your vs. You’re
Your Tendency To Brag
Compulsively Eating Inedible Objects
Blog Update: Absence, Part Two
Not Knowing What To Do At A Stopped Escalator
The Ratio of Conditioners To Shampoos In My Shower
What Does ChatRoulette Want To See Die?
Noisy Footwear
Status Message Minutiae
Nintendo’s Interpretation of Online Gaming
Incessantly Whining About Every Little Thing
March 2010
Absentmindedly Accepting Anything You See As Truth Tomorrow
Your Vlog
Actually Chewing Each Bit Of Food The Recommended Number Of Times
Adding More Blades To Razors
Ear Gauges
Highlighter Heroes
Hiccups
Eating and Drinking When Using A Computer
Your Blog
Double Posts
Double Posts
Neckbeards
Charred Bits On Pizza
Unibrows
Writer’s Block
Sub-vocalization Habits
Your LOL
sǝʌlǝsɯǝɥ┴ spɹɐʍo┴ ɹǝdɐԀ ∀ uɹn┴ oɥM ǝldoǝԀ
Pointless Video Game Score
Forgetting To Adjust for Daylight Savings Time
Then vs. Than
Thinking It’s Friday When It’s Actually Thursday
That Sound Balloons Make When You Rub Them Together
You, Memory
Excape
Asking About The Origins Of Hot Dogs
Licking Your Hand To Separate Papers
Mediocre Movie Theater Mules
Movie Theater Candy
Movie Theater Madness
Your Deadlines
Itchy Shirt Tags
February 2010
The 2010 Winter Olympic Games
Behaving Apelike In A Public Setting
Mindlessly Bellowing “Epic Fail” At The Smallest Of Screw-Ups
Jammed Mechanical Pencils
Dolls vs. Action Figures
Your Willful Rejection and Ignorance of My Intellect
Shoving Your Tongue Into Mouth Wounds
Stealing Wireless Internet
Procrastination
Talking To A Computer In The Hopes It Will Speed Up
Blog Authors Who Make The Decision To Cram All Of The Content They Intend To Cover On A Topic In The Title Of Their Desired Post And Are Then Surprised To Find That The Content Of Their Article Lacks Any Substance Whatsoever
You, Hugh Hefner
G4
Plastic Coverings On Furniture
Could Of, Should Of, Would Of
Snow Emergency Sales
Flinching From The Toaster
Cheyenne Cherry
Your Reading Habits
Getting Anxious Over Spelling Someone’s Name
Super Bowl Monday
GoDaddy Commercials
Seen vs. Saw
Saying The Italicized Things In Plays Aloud
Tanning
Your Date
Diabeetus
January 2010
Beep Beep
Road Noises In Radio Commercials
Spam Comments
Decorative Corn Chips
Ripping Open Glow Sticks
You, Hallway Idiot
Predictable Word Choice
Abundantly Confirming or Denying Something
Replace All
Obsolete Fashion Trends
Finding Stuff In Your Food
Smoking
Your Bathroom
Staring Into The Sun
Multiple Word Pronunciations
Do Glasses Need To Die?
Snowflake Individuality
Very Very Dark Toast
Being Overly Superlative
Your Handwriting
Taking Fortune Cookies Seriously
Horoscopes
DVDs For Your Dog
Wearing Your Pants Below Your Butt
Using Handicap Parking When You Shouldn’t
Useless Smart Phone Apps
Mary Murphy
Loose vs. Lose
Bottled Water
How WordPress.com’s Visual Interface Handles Bold
Things That Need To Die Video Special
Blog Update: Happy New Year


December 2009
Blister Packaging
Packaging Overkill
Your Serenades
I’m Not Gonna Lie
Happy Holidays
Comment “Reply” Feature
Do Blogs Need To Die?
Stars [Viewed mostly to steal the included picture]
Public Charity Offering Gatherings
Your Pets
Voice To Text
Trying For A Large Straight In Yahtzee
YouTube Pop Up Banner Ads
Avoiding The Middle Of The Speed Bump
“Like” Like
Repeating Popular Song Lyrics Without Actually Listening To The Song At The Time
You, Lady Gaga.
Typing In All Capital Letters
The Paper SAT
Blog Update: Standardized Testing
Leaving Your Car Windows Open During A Car Wash
Enhancing Job Titles
Your Neck Rubs

November 2009
HughesNet
Tween “Sitcoms”
Pre-K Beauty Pageants
Black Friday Shoppers
Blaming Tryptophan
Your Dreams
Blog Update: Guest Author and New Weekly Column
Things That Have Died: Fuzzy
“Your” Team
Primarily Telling Time By Using A Cell Phone
Twilight And New Moon Fanaticism
Sarah Palin
Ordering The Same Size Pizza With Less Pre-Cut Slices
Constant Cell Phone Echo
Blog Update: Placeholder
Making Brand Names Sound More “Hip”
Skipping Things In Parentheses
Superstition
Fake Promotional Credit Cards
Hesitance
Sexting [Freshly Pressed 11/11/09]
Shortening Already Short Words
Putting Everything You Plan To Say On Your PowerPoint Presentation
Jack Thompson
The Myspace Angle
Breastfeeding Past A Certain Age
Leaving Stuff On The Roof Of Your Car
Fuzzy Dice
Roguelike Characters
Filling In The Same Letter Multiple Times On A Test
October 2009
Undead
“Miley Save Fuzzy”
Amount Of Hot Dogs Versus Amount Of Hot Dog Buns
Vending Machines That Take Your Money But Don’t Give You Your Item
Mini Update: New Internet Browser Versions
“Literally”
Painfully Obvious Hairpieces
The Snuggie
Internet Explorer 6 Users
2012 Myths [Strangely, a fan favorite]
Sickness
Annoying Advertisement Addendum Number One
Reading Waaaaaay Too Far Into Things
Repeatedly Pressing The Elevator Button
Apathy
Salmon
Creeper
People Who Swing Their Arms Way Out Behind Them When They Walk
Reality Show Clichés
Annoying Web Advertisements
Apologies For Not Updating
Commenting “First!”

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